Happy Monday 🙂
I wanted to talk about “learning life lessons.” It is something that I am still struggling with and I have had a lot of bad struggles which resulted in life lessons both good and VERY bad lessons. I am hoping a lot of you can relate to learning about life through lessons. I think its something that is hard to understand, because there is no one in life saying if you do this… you will learn this. I mean besides the obvious cause/effect actions such as “If you touch the hot stove, you will get burned.” Nobody ever told me that I would be a schizophrenic learning life lessons the hard way, no one was ever able to prepare myself or my family on what I was going to go through in my life.
I think being schizophrenic and living in a very judgmental society are the main reasons that I have learned my lessons. I think its very hard to live a “normal” life when you are constantly being watched, being monitored if you are taking your medicine and just not able to be yourself without people wondering if this is another manic episode happening. People have always thought I am the girl, who has the perfect life, perfect family etc. Yes, I will admit my family is a big backbone in my family. However, I do not have a perfect life, actually I have a VERY far from perfect life. During my episodes I have cost my husband thousands of dollars, pain, stress and agony. I think that hardest part of episodes is knowing that I am letting him down. He married this strong and caring woman, who has quickly morphed into a “schizophrenic mess.” The biggest life lesson I have learned after being diagnosed would be to take one step at a time. Do not try and run the race if you have never ran before. Start slow and start training yourself to overcome those obstacles when they come. I think the hardest part for me is knowing how to avoid those obstacles. I have been thinking about mediation, yoga, etc., What do you do to avoid stress and stay on track in your life?
I have also learned to respect my husband the most because he has stayed with me during all of my episodes and remains to stand by me during some of the roughest times in my life. He watches me everyday take my medicine and he supports me 100%. Actually, he is the main reason I want to stay on track and never stop taking my medicine again. We want to start a family and without being “stable” I will not be able to be able to care for a baby and myself. I need to get myself into a proper mindset before I bring a child into this world. I think that was a hard lesson to learn, but I know I need to think about others before myself (another lesson I have learned throughout my life).
There are many lessons that I have learned in my life, I have learned that it is not ok to be schizophrenic and not take the proper attention such as medication and therapy. I learned that your biggest support system may be the only person that stands with you through thick and thin. (Always reminds me that in his vows he said he would be with me through the good and the bad, in sickness and in health)- that is a true man and I am very lucky for him to still stand with me. I have learned that I am very confused, lost soul and I am not sure how to repair myself or if it is even possible. I have learned that I am very negative person and I want to become a happy girl who has nothing to worry about stress wise and just “brushes” things off rather than dwelling on the issue, which is what I do now. I have learned that I need to share my experiences in case anyone is struggling with their own issues and are just waiting to get that courage to get the help you need and figure out how to stay on the right path.
One foot at a time to run that marathon!